Two years ago, I discovered that I had Autism Spectrum Disorder: a disability and a neurodevelopmental disorder. Finding out I was Autistic was truly a come-of-age moment. Let us just say I was not like “other” kids. For the majority of my life, I was confused, hurt, and even heartbroken over the fact that I was “different” or “weird.” I got bullied by people even though I had done nothing but be kind towards others, I recognized that my “quirky” traits that people hated was believe it or not just me being myself, being Autistic, coming to the realization that I was different from them. Being Autistic is what made allistics (or non-autistic people) dislike me. I felt like a broken wind-up doll. Broken but there is nothing I can do to fix it. Being Autistic
was not an obstacle to overcome, but a fundamental piece of me that needs to be embraced. Being Autistic is meaningful to me because it helped me grow as a person, demonstrates where my limits are, and helped me find the positives of my diagnosis.
I had various realizations before I was Autistic I never knew how much it impacted my life. When I grew up I did not realize that most of the people around me were disabled individuals for instance, my family, my brothers, like Sky he has ADHD and Saber he has Autism, epilepsy, and Dravet syndrome. Growing up I had a lot of Autistic symptoms such as being non-speaking for the majority of my life. When I tried to speak it hurt me physically and psychologically. Instead of responding, I would just respond with sounds. Realizing now how when I was younger I got overwhelmed by loud sounds, bright lights, and crowds. I would stim
to self-soothe or whenever I got excited by pacing back and forth, rocking, shaking my hands, tapping my face/fingers, or using stim toys to focus.
My disability has shown me what my struggles and limitations are, and how it has helped shape my identity. After I discovered I was Autistic I then started to grasp how many sensory issues I actually have, and how much it affects me severely. For instance, loud noises and bright lights can trigger meltdowns for me. Half of my struggles are social skills, for example, not knowing when to start, join, or end a conversation with someone, or when I accidentally interrupt someone midway through a discussion. Autism hinders my ability to make and keep friends. In the Dsm5-Checklist A3 ”difficulties in relationships” trouble with personal relationships, making or keeping friends. For instance, I was friends with this one person for years and one day they suddenly just ghosted me with no warning. In both cases, whether it be with social skills or difficulties in relationships, being Autistic has affected me greatly.
My diagnosis has led to many positives in my life. This diagnosis has made me have this inner knowing and understanding of the way I am, helped me be more patient with myself, and helped me find accommodations for myself such as weighted blankets for sensory issues, and earbuds for reducing noise.
Ultimately being Autistic has given me a multitude of revelations in my life such as being able to understand myself in-depth now, being more compassionate towards myself because of my limitations, and helping me comprehend how to be happier in life. Having a disability impacts all areas of my life, but it has mainly shaped my identity by now knowing that accommodations are necessary for autistic people. That is the main reason why I created my blog to be an advocate for disabled individuals and mainly to be a voice for others who are afraid or cannot speak up for themselves. That is why my hope is to become a journalist that can share their voice and make an impact on the world.
The Personal Writings of Ace Vee 